I am not going to watch Where the Wild Things Are. I have heard wonderful things about it; I heard that it’s an awesome movie. To me, that is irrelevant. Where the Wild Things Are is one of my favorite children’s books, and I have no desire to see it in another medium.
This no slur on Spike Jonez. This is no respect to the people who, by all indications, worked really hard for over seven years to get the movie made. I simply won’t see it because watching WTWTA: The Movie is like dating an ex-girlfriend’s sister. It’s not that she’s not beautiful, or brilliant, or kind; she very well could be. The problem is that you dated / were in love with her sister, and so any and all attempts to love the new one would fail. There’s too much history with the old flame, see?
It’s like that with WTWTA. The book is wonderful; it is magical in all the ways a childrens book should be. No matter how great the movie is, it is piggy-backing, at least in part, off the book. For a movie to be truly independent of the book, it must outshine mediocre source material. This is stated in the HARRISON RULE OF MOVIE ADAPTATIONS:
All movies based on Tom Clancy novels will exceed the quality of the novels themselves.
This is admittedly due, in part, to the quality of the movies themselves, like Patriot Games or The Hunt for Red October. It is also due to the fact that Tom Clancy writes the worst dialogue this side of fan fiction. Have you read any of his books? It’s like a thousand monkeys typing for a thousand years, except they skimped on the monkeys.
Anyway, due to the butchering of other beloved children’s stories and films by completely unnecessary remakes, I will now erect a new theorem: The SEUSS GREATER RULE OF REMAKES:
Everything you ever loved in your childhood will eventually be ruined by either Mike Myers or Jim Carey.
I’m happy that so many people like WTWTA: The Movie; I’m also happy that I’ll never know firsthand.
Tom Clancy is much cheaper than 1000 monkeys. You ever deal with the monkey union? Trust me, you don’t want to.