The Cinekin Blog

This is a list of people who are stars, for some reason, despite the fact that there is only one movie to their credit that did not suck donkeys.

Orlando Bloom – The Fellowship of the Ring
We can lump the other two LOTR movies in with this one, but Fellowship was the only one that didn’t deviate so much from the books that it irritated me. Also, the “dwarf-tossing” joke only works the FIRST time it is used.

Kirsten Dunst – Spider-Man
I cannot count Interview with the Vampire due to the presence of Tom Cruise. See below.

Rick Moranis – Ghostbusters
Vince Clortho – his greatest role.

Mickey Rourke – The Wrestler
Man, I want to include Sin City as an awesome movie here, too.

Ron Livingston – Office Space
Hmm, maybe he doesn’t count as a movie “star.”

Gwyneth (That is a hard one to spell) Paltrow – The Royal Tenenbaums
I am also willing to entertain Iron Man as a second, but in this movie she made it better as opposed to treading water.

Jennifer Grey – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Public Service Announcement: Make sure to think, I mean really think, before deciding to get a nose job. Also, Dirty Dancing sucks.

Adam Sandler – Happy Gilmore
It’s hard to believe that this movie, THIS movie, was the height of creative inspiration for this man.

Tom Cruise – Top Gun
Rain Man bored me. There, I said it.

Angelina Jolie – The Good Shepherd
Yeah, I had to really really think to find one she was in that was even good.

Charlie Sheen – Major League
And yet, he still has a career…